Why "Boyfriend" Is So Bad It's Good

I can’t remember a time when there was so much hype about a single.  Even months before “Boyfriend” was release, long before Justin Bieber even start dropping teasers via Twitter, people were going crazy about a song they hadn’t ever heard.  I, for one, was actually also anticipating this single.  I was a little discouraged by the simple, one-word title that implied another teenage love pop song a la “Baby”, but I still had hope for a more mature Bieber, especially considering some of his recent tracks, such as his collaboration with Rascal Flatts.  Once Bieber starting releasing daily teasers to count down to its release, though, my hope started to wane.  First, Bieber made available the lyrics—that was the first let down.  Then after that, he gradually started releasing more and more of the start of the track.  To be blunt, my hopes were dashed.

Let’s start with the lyrics.  The song starts with “If I was your boyfriend, I'd never let you go”.  Alright, that isn’t too bad, but with a line like that, I don’t really think it makes little Justin sound much more grown up and is certainly reminiscent of his former hit, “Baby”.  That line is the least of my worries, though.  This is probably one of the best lines Bieber spins: “Got money in my hands that I'd really like you to blow/Swag swag swag, on you/Chillin' by the fire while we are eating fondue”.  That’s right—they’re eating fondue by the fire while spending money on “swag swag swag” (Also, I’m sure he wants to her to blow more than just his money).  Why they’re eating fondue next to a fire and not at a table, which would be far safer, is beyond me—unless, of course, he means the fire under the fondue pot.  If that’s that case, well, then the Biebs needs to work on his romantic side.  Besides, if you’re next to a fire, then you better be chillin’ on a bearskin rug (I opted for ‘chillin’’ over ‘sexin’’ simply because Bieber is still a child and should be keeping it in his pants).  Bearskin rug doesn’t rhyme as easily with “Swag swag swag, on you”, though, so I’m sure Bieber took that into consideration.  On that subject, the rhymes Bieber spit are a bit peculiar, sounding almost like a pathetic attempt at freestyling (though I couldn’t even come close to doing better—hence why I write free verse).  I’ve heard Bieber freestyle though, and he’s actually really good at that.  Surprisingly good.  

Let’s not forget about my favourite line.  Baby Biebs decides to drop an obscure reference to a Disney character that was most likely created before his mom popped him out: “I could be your Buzz Lightyear fly across the globe”.  Why he decided to go with Buzz Lightyear and not say, Superman, who actually flew around the globe (a couple times), is beyond me.  Maybe he was going for childhood nostalgia (even though he wasn’t even two years old when Toy Story came out).

The music behind these… interesting lyrics is also… interesting.  Throughout the entire track there is this high-pitched siren-like sound that makes it seems as though the song was recorded on the main deck of a military submarine.  I can only assume this sound was inserted for its hypnotic qualities and brainwashes our young people to join the Navy (kudos to those who get The Simpsons reference).  There’s also a pretty big contrast between the music behind the verses and the music behind the chorus.  It kind of works though.  The chorus (or the “hook” as Bieber calls it) has a more acoustic-pop sound to it more similar to his older tracks whereas the rest of the song gets a slight hip-hop makeover—or at least as hip-hop as can be expected from a teenage white Canadian.  All-in-all, the music sounds like something a 7^th grader made on a Mac during study hall—though I guess there isn’t much of a difference.

To be honest, the only redeeming quality of this song is the vocals.  Bieber’s voice is impressive, I don’t care who you are.  He hits some pretty awesome notes, especially on the chorus.  His rapping is interesting.  I think Bieber can actually rap pretty well when he tries, but this rapping is just interesting (notice how I’ve used this adjective about a zillion times, it’s not an accident).  Rapping isn’t where Justin should be headed though.  His voice is far too good for that.  Justin is a natural singer-songwriter (though these lyrics don’t give that much justice…) and that is what he should be doing.  His voice is strong and powerful and easily one of the best voices you’ll hear on the radio.  With the right music and right subject matter, he could bust out some pretty spectacular music.  I still hold true to my theory that Justin Bieber could be the next Paul McCartney.

Even though I clearly have many issues with this song, I still can’t help but listen to it.  I’ll be honest—I kind of love this song, albeit somewhat ironically.  It’s kind of a good song to turn up nice and loud.  I think there might be something wrong with me.  It’s almost a novelty, really.  I’m certainly curious to see how the remaining tracks on Believe hold up in comparison to “Boyfriend”.  I just hope the radar bleep isn’t throughout the entire album.

UPDATE: That's right, there's music video now and boy is it fitting!  I don't comprehend it at all.  The whole thing makes you wonder how long it will be until the Biebs says "Oh, just kidding".  That said, I'm probably going to download the single and "rock out" to it on a regular basis.  Something I don't quite get though is why so much focus on the single.  Justin says he has 40 tracks to pick from for the album.  He has the hit single, he has a video for it, he has artwork for both the regular and deluxe versions, but he doesn't have a tracklisting?  That's not how an album is supposed to be made; an album is called an ALBUM for a reason.  But then again, since when does Bieber do anything normal?